And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
