I feel like abortions should bother me more
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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