I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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