there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Randomize
