please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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