Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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