I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
