I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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