So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
