just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
