Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
