I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
