I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Less talking, more tequila
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
