I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize