We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
