The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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