i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
