I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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