i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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