Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
