I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
