just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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