the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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