i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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