Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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