So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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