please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
