The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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