whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
