apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
