We won't sleep together?
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
