wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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