How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize