I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
