I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am one with the molecules
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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