I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
