is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
