The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
