so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
