I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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