I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
