im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
