I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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