My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
