I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
