that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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