Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
