Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
