I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
