My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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