Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Are we still banned from the library?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
