what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
