i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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