Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
