You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
