Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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