I wanna passion pit in your ass
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
