Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
