; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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