i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
