omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
