i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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