So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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