So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and she was petting her beer can
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
