I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
