Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
