Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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