Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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