Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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