just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
