I faked an abortion last night.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
