my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.