no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
