No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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