paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
