I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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