just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
