Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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