oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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