Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
