First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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